The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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