Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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