I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
