We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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