i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
