im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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