youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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