Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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