Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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