just tell him i said nine months
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
