Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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