Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
