I should be sponsored by Trojan
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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