In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
