my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
