And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
foreskin is a definite game changer
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
