Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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