guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I don't deserve a penis
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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