i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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