we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
