Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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