I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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