is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
