In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
