i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
