True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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