3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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