I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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