My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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