i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
