I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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