Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
