After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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