i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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