remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
