I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
