M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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