I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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