Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
