I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
