I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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