She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
there is puke in my bra ... again
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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