I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
