I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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