You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
