my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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