If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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