If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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