its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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