Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
