Your mouth is God's brothel.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
