What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
