I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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