He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
