WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You can't motorboat a personality
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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